FODMAP, WTF?

Nov 16, 2011 by

the joys of FODMAP

 

I’ve been on this delightful* new diet for the last five days (count ‘em) called the FODMAP diet. Don’t go getting all finger-pointy at me, it’s not a diet in the drinking-maple-syrup-and-lemon-crap-to-systematically-destroy-your-kidneys sense of the word ‘diet’.

This is an actual, truly really researched thing that my doc put me onto, to try and sort out some niggling tummy issues I’ve been having. Whilst it looks like it has now been trademarked by Sue Shepherd, a dietician responsible for marketing this thing, FODMAP started off as a lovely weird sounding acronym for—wait for it—Fermentable Oligo-, Di- and Monosaccharides and Polyols. It basically refers to certain types of sugars that can cause the internal angries when digested by prone individuals.

So far, I have to say FODMAP is a massive PITA.**

I’ve been on elimination diets before and they suck. A lot. You get a list of things you can eat, and a list of things you can’t eat, and then you’re left to either pay a dietician or attempt to struggle through and find a way to make it all edible. Blergh.

At the moment, I’m feeling a mounting hatred for rockmelon, I’m getting a little over rice crackers and strawberries and my limit on cheese, although I love it, is reaching a bit of a crux. And it’s only been five days. Emotional trials like these can reduce me to crouching alone in the middle of the kitchen floor, rocking feebly back and forth whilst numbly clasping a packet of dried spaghetti and mumbling “Why… why?” to myself. Thank goodness the boy is working two jobs at the moment and doesn’t have to witness this sad display.

I fought an hour long battle with myself in the car today after forcing down a banana (I hate bananas) and trying to eat some more goddamn rockmelon. It mostly revolved around the severe desire to eat a cheeseburger. I’m surprised I held out for an hour, actually, and I’m giving myself credit for that.

I suspect this FODMAP will get better, in time; despite the weird restrictions (no avocado? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE) and the lack of carbs sending me into a hypoglycaemic floor-panic.

Damn, though but that cheeseburger did taste good in the end.

Joy, Division!

*Insert relevant sarcasm.

**Hilariously punny for IBS sufferers. BTW, WTF is up with acronyms and why are they so darn common these days?

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5 Comments

  1. Paul

    Ha, yeah, I’m just winding up 2 weeks of FODMAP. The worst part is that I feel better, so no excuses to stop I guess. I survived on lots of chicken and fish, placed on rice or 100% buckwheat noodles (amazon). Oil, butter, salt, pepper make everything better. Staying away from garlic and onions and wheat is the hardest part for me. Actually, your cheeseburger should be just fine, provided you skip the onion and find a wheat-free bun. Now that my first 2 weeks are up, I’m easing up on the no-wheat restriction a little, and still no problems. “They” say that it’s a really just a matter of quantity sometimes. As for the melon, I’m surprised you’re OK with that, that’s such a big no-no for me (too much sugar, I guess). I’ve read online that melon is OK, but I guess I assumed it was only optimistic thinking. :)

    • Miss Megs

      Thanks for the advice, I think with some creative food-application skills I may just be able to survive this! I made some amazing maple granola this morning for breakfast so I’ll post the recipe for that soon.
      Actually the rockmelon surprised me, too, as it’s really sweet; I suppose the difference must be in the kind of sugar it contains? Something was definitely still bothering my insides though so it could well have been the dreaded melon. Good luck with the diet and keep me updated on how you go with it! :) -Megs

  2. Hi Megs,
    Your blog was hilarious, exactly how I feel about FODMAPs. Don’t get me wrong, the diet was a life saver and I have honestly felt the best I have in years but it does not stop people from doing the whole pointing the finger at me when I try to explain to them why I’m eating lettuce for lunch instead of a burger.
    I love to cook and found that there were many recipes out there for a low FODMAPs diet so I decided to create a website.
    http://www.missfodmapsfree.com
    Feel free to check it out :)
    Best of luck with everything!!
    Missfodmapsfree,

    • Miss Megs

      Hullo! How did I miss this? What a neglectful blog owner I am :) thankyou for the awesome comment, I checked out your blog and it’s awesome! I’m definitely going to try that pesto (I used to live on pesto… le sigh)
      Cheers and good luck on your FODMAPS journey! xo

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